my quest for the holy grail

ok, holy grail is kind of a hyperbole. more like: quest for the perfect swimsuit.

folks, I spent all day long searching our hometown high and low for a bathing suit.

bad news if you live where I do: if you aren't a size Small, forget about finding one this season. Seriously. just give up now. because that is literally all that's in the stores.

let me take you back to this morning.

mom and I went to Panera Bread. I love that restaurant. the goold ol' poppy seed chicken salad is back!! but I saw something new on the menu - a Cobb Chicken Salad. so I tried it, and I was sad that I did. anyway, we headed first to the mall and I looked at Dillards initially. I really had my heart set on a monokini - that's where there is a thin strip in the front, similiar to a 1-piece, but it's open in the back, so it looks like a bikini from the back. but your sides are open. Well, folks, there were two at Dillards. I hated them.

so we went to Macy's. zip. ugliest bathing suits ever.
then we trotted to American Eagle. nodda.
Nats came to my mind. they always have trendy stuff. WRONG.
maybe Khols? forgettaboutit.
okayokay. Victoria Secret***? HAAA. hilarious story for you there.
hmph. now I'm mad. Hollister? bwhahahaha. as If those would fit me!
Lane Bryant? Why, they don't even sell bathing suits.

I'm nearly certain that I'm forgetting a pit stop that we made. Anyway.

My experience at Victoria's Secret was beyond hilarious. It was.. almost sad. We got there and immediately realized that they didn't even have Larges. Argh! We searched high and low, and a girl even helped us. By the time I was ready for the fitting room, I probably had 10 tops/bottoms flailing around.

So I tried the monokini on first. It was from the PINK selection. It was hot pink and white striped - not my style at all. So I put it on. And here's what happened:




...what??! See that MAJOR gaping in the front? Why, I could stuff a 6-month preggo baby belly in there, and it'd still have room to gap open! ... after laughing hystarically, and taking a picture with my phone, I threw it down.

Next.

I tried on another monokini. This time? DISASTER. Uhm, the entire bathing suit went between my chest-area and ... OMG.. I looked like Borat. Only, the female version. Picture it. Okay, don't. It was HIDEOUS. My mom nearly rolled on the floor laughing. I mean, I could wear it to a nudist beach, but I'm not going to one of those...

Okayokay. Apparently monokinis don't work for me. So I tried on regular old bikinis. HAAA. Let me just tell you what. I need a large, okay? I am not a small. and I'm darn proud of it!! My husband LOVESS my curves, so there, you stinky stores. My butt is also NOT a size medium. It's not. I have a booty, and I'm cool with that. Mark is super cool with that. So there.

The sales woman at VS actually told me that they really don't order larges. You have to "get those online" ... ahem, WHAT?! Hold up. Wait a minute.

This is the country that screams "get breast implants! woowooo go for it!!" but when it comes down to it, it's IMPOSSIBLE TO SHOP IN THE STORES IF YOU'RE.. well-endowed.. ?

ahem.

American Eagle doesn't even carry anything larger than a 34C. You have to order everything online. Arrrgh.

So anyway. I was furious at this point. You really don't know what I'm going through unless you have my problem. It's extremely frustrating. Nearly every single bottom for a bathing suit in VS was an extra small. Riiiiight. Let me find how many extra small WOMEN there are roaming the streets. Maybe we can find a middle schooler and she'll fit into one!!

After a freakout moment where my mom and I thought someone stole our car, we remembered that we parked in a different location than usual. Hehe.. so we came home, and I got online. I found the perfect bathing suit on VictoriasSecret.com.




I altered the picture because this is a family-friendly blog. And, well, that model was not family-friendly.

All for only $48 - INCLUDING shipping!!

Folks, the moral of the story is: this summer, in your search for the holy grail perfect swimsuit, save your time and your money and go online. You order them by your bra size, so there's no chance that it won't fit. I mean, I hope it fits, anyway.



-Sujen, aren't you proud that I posted another picture of me in a bathing suit!? That makes TWO in one week! I must be trying to set a record or something!




edit: let it be known that Motherhood Maternity did enter my mind, and as we passed, I cocked my head really high to see if they sold bathing suits! I just KNOW that they would carry tops that would fit big ol breastfeeding mamas! Hehehe.

convo.

[8:57:47 PM] Shannon Cox: I'm going to turn into one of those crazy moms
[8:58:32 PM] Shannon Cox: I'm going to turn into one of those: baby-food making, cloth-diapering, anti-abortion, co-sleeping crazy moms with a baby in a sling on my chest and pushing another one in my orange Chicco stroller
[8:58:38 PM] Shannon Cox: just picture it.
[8:58:40 PM] Shannon Cox: aren't i cute?
[8:59:49 PM] mark cox: hahhaha beautiful butt, you will become a self sufficient woman


yes, dear... that, I will..

a review and more party info

While in Texas, Mark and I decided to see a movie that we have waited a long while for - Night at the Museum II.

It was great.

So I'm going to tell you about it.


The movie begins by showing Ben Stiller and his new job as an inventor. He's dumped the museum-dealio due to recent fame. Eventually he finds his way back to his good-old museum. But he finds out that it's shutting down. In an attempt to save the museum, he tries to pull a few strings. And you know that monkey that always stole his keys? The funny monkey from the first movie? Well, he steals that Egyptian tablet that brings everyone to life. And he takes it to the Smithsonian. Ben Stiller goes and tries to get it back! He's too late. Everyone comes to life. And everything comes to life. It's hilarious! And it's a fight to restore the museum to normalty.

This movie is hilarious.

You should definitely see it. It's just as good as the first one.

The new faces, such as Amelia Earhart, Einstein, Colonel Custard, etc., make this movie great!

Plus, the McDonald's Happy Meal toys are about this movie. So after going to the theater, you can stop by for a Happy Meal and get a cool toy that relates to the movie. Yippie!



----------------------

In other news, I searched high and low for party supplies today. Guess what? Our hometown doesn't have military-themed supplies. They had camo goodie bags, pencils, army men, and Happy Birthday banners. Ahem. So, I'll be shopping online. I've found two great websites that are chuck-full of supplies, so it will be fine. I'm making my own invitations... which might be a mistake. I am in a desperate search for fake dog tags. Not metal ones, but plastic ones. I have found some online, but they aren't what I'm looking for.

And, I must sadly report that the cake lady I hoped for isn't taking any new requests until maybe August. Well, that sure is cutting it close. I don't know what I'm going to do. The cake I want is definitely too hard to make on my own. I mean, this is an Ace of Cakes-ish cake. It's pretty.. elaborate. Plus, I have no experience with fondant.



Hopefully I can pull it all together. I have a good 3 months to plan, so I should be set!

party.

so I am planning a party for late this summer.
a party for me.
oh, and for Mark too.
a going away party, if you will.

and we're going to invite the whole neighborhood.
well, not really.
but we will invite everyone we associate with.
which is probably you. maybe.
unless you are one of those people who reads my blog and NEVER COMMENTS.
ahem.
yes, I am talking to you.

It's going to be big-ish.
and I'm already planning the cake.
I'm going to ask THIS LADY to make the cake.
because she's amazing.
my nephew's tool box cake & my bridal shower cake are on her website!
I can't decide - do I want an Airplane cake - to represent the USAF?
or do I want a soldier cake, with camo and fighter dudes?
tough, tough decisions...

so anyway, it's looking like we'll be moving in September.
sometime.
because Mark is going to do RAP duty.
or so it seems.
which is where he helps out the local recruiter.
but really gets free vacation time with family and friends.

so what kind of party would you all like to see?
I'm thinking a cookout.
with macaroni salad.
and lots of other cookout-ish foods.

go ahead, comment.
let me know your cake ideas.
and food ideas.
and party locations.
it should still be piping hot in Kentucky 'round that time.

to comment, simply click Comments.
and then leave one.
choose the Anonymous feature.
and sign your name at the bottom.
and I'll be a happy blogger.



oh, and tomorrow I will be posting an embarrassing picture of myself.
as if the previous post didn't include a picture that was bad enough...




EDIT:

The theme of the party has been decided. Christine and I are planning a SPECTACULAR party. You will be shocked. I can't wait!


Theme: Military Mania

wooooo.

my husband thinks I'm hott

summer paradise.

I love this boy.

you didn't think I would miss out on slip & slide fun, did you?!

more pictures to come!

memo:

In case you didn't get the memo, summer is here!

bring on the:
sticky fingers
sunburns
floaties
vacations
mosquito bites
shirtless (little) boys
days by the pool
HARRY POTTER 6
& slip 'n' slides**



**pictures coming soon