weaning and turning into a big sister.

I haven't mentioned it to many people, but...

Adalyn is in the process of weaning!

Let me first say that I was fine with her nursing to her little heart's content. And we were - at 18mos, she was nursing around 6 times a day (though often for less than 5 minutes. and it was barely sucking - a total comfort thing). But.. I'm pregnant. And while I felt physically fine in the first trimester, the second trimester brought on lots of pain during nursing. It was pretty unbearable.

So I started distracting her when she asked to "nuss" (nurse), and I would tell her that mommy doesn't feel good. ...She hasn't nursed in nearly a week! She still asks once per day and isn't phased at all when I say that mommy has no more milk. She is completely fine with it and goes on playing. I am so proud of her (and me!) through this. No tears, no dramatic forceful weaning. It was just time for us. I'm happy about it in that sense - that it has gone so smoothly.

But I'm going to miss it so bad. Those cuddles with her, those special moments of just the two of us. The fact that I could make the world right for her with nursing and no one could comfort her like me. As she's gotten bigger, she would just like to nurse for the closeness to mommy. I can't even verbalize (or write, in this case), the bond during that time as she would just stare into my eyes. Thinking about it makes me want to cry, because those days are gone. Forever. A huge part of me wants to whisk her up in my lap and nurse her one last time - I feel so not ready for this season of our lives to be over. I'm really not ready. At all.

Since I can't nurse her now, I'm trying to make up for it by grabbing her up as often as I can (a *lot*) and smothering her with kisses and loves. I tell her every day that she will always be my baby, and I'm going to love her forever and ever. And that she is my whole heart and my best little friend. I'm sure this sounds completely dramatic to most people - and I guess you could only understand if you nursed your baby into toddlerhood. Because it becomes so much more than nourishment. It's a precious bond that I'll treasure forever.

 

And these days, she's turning into a little mommy right before my eyes. She helps swaddle her babies, feeds them bottles, nurses them, puts them in their playpen and gives them toys to snuggle with. She says "shhh" as she pats them to sleep and makes little sucking sounds while she feeds them a bottle. It makes me so eager to see her with her siblings this fall. The little baby I was nursing earlier this spring will be my "little mama" come the fall. That's a huge transition. I'm not ready for it. But I hope that over the course of the summer, I'll slowly learn to be ready. She's my big girl now. And I'll always miss and treasure our nursing past. But it was our time.

And in just 5 months, I'll be nursing two new babies. Can't. Even. Fathom. It.