on the day of our due date.

I figured that maybe I should blog today - the day of our due date - to create a memory for myself. In just a few short hours/days, we'll be a family of 3.. and things will never be the same. And I have a feeling that this life, of just the two of us, will be a blurry memory. And I'll be one of those moms that says, "I can't remember what life was like without her!"

So I'm blogging about how I'm feeling today.

Sometimes I can sort of imagine having a baby. But, really, I can't. It's been just us since 2006! Well, technically, we've been a family of 3 since January. But taking care of a baby from inside a womb is pretty easy ;] Mark isn't anxious at all. He's as cool as a cucumber and is more than ready for her to make her appearance. I'm most looking forward to seeing him with our daughter, for the record. I'm positive that it will be the sweetest thing on earth.

I've been completely "calm" about labor since I found out I was pregnant. I didn't really worry about it at all! We both share the belief that God made me for this and that we should simply trust Him. But as my due date has approached this past week, these stupid little fears are creeping into my head -- what if the baby is posterior and gives me unmanageable back pain? What if I never go into labor and HAVE to be put on Cervidil or Pitocin? And - my biggest fear of all: what if I fail to progress?

Blah.

We worked on "overcoming fears" pretty extensively in our birthing class. I never really got much of those exercises. Since, if I'm seriously fearing something, I'd just pray about it.. not "visualize" like they wanted us to. Ultimately, I just want to emerge from labor with a healthy baby and for me to be healthy, as well. So if that includes pitocin and a walking epidural, then that's that! And until then, I'll just be sitting here remaining positive, knowing that I have the best doula [Mark] in the world! And I'm as ready as I'll ever be... right? :]

My "little" belly is completely lopsided right now. Oh, I'm sooo going to miss my belly when it's gone. The only real complaints I have about pregnancy are the constant peeing and the weird back pains. But really? The miracle of life squirming around inside me is completely worth the discomfort. Right now we have a special bond, and she's all to myself. I know that once she's here, I'll be completely in love and happier than ever. But.. I'll miss pregnancy. Most definitely.

When nighttime rolls around, I get super antsy. My heart rate is through the roof and I am FULL of adrenaline. Because I think, "What if TONIGHT is the night?!" or "What if TONIGHT is the last night without her?!" It's a weird feeling to go through your days wondering, "Will today be the day??"

Hopefully our daughter got the memo and decides to come on her due date. I don't really feel like this pregnancy has flown by at all. I feel like I've totally embraced and LOVED every single minute of these past 9 months. It seems like just yesterday that I heard her little heartbeat at 8 weeks with our personal doppler.. beating away at 173 beats per minute. And it seems like just last week that we got our first ultrasound and saw her little body with such amazing detail.

And the day we got our "educated guess" that she was, in fact, a SHE.
And the day we saw her in 3D and got a gender confirmation!
And the day we went shopping for her nursery furniture.
And the day I felt her move for the very first time.
And the day Mark felt her move for the very first time.
And the day Clayton felt her move, and he called her a shark.
And our baby shower.
And seeing her at 30 weeks and falling in love with her lips.
And the day we started birthing class.

9 months of massages from my husband.
9 months of peeing entirely too much.
9 months of back pain.
9 months of constantly being thirsty.
9 months of feeling like my body is not my own!
9 months of odd aches in different locations...
9 months of planning for our first child.
9 months of blogging about pregnancy.
9 months of dreaming daily about our miracle daughter.
9 months of my heart bursting with love for our little one :)


I am really, really sad for this pregnancy to be over.

Just for the record.

But I cannot wait to meet her. You have no idea!*



*Well, you probably do if you have a child of your own :D Hehe!