Monday, February 28, 2011

hating deployment.


Looking forward to re-creating this photo in June '11

We are so over this deployment. I don't mean to whine, but.. who cares. This is my blog.

Time is creeping by. We're two months down and four to go, and I feel like he's been gone a lifetime. I'm to the point now where I literally cannot imagine life with him back. It will be uh-MAZING. Seriously a dream come true. I am so used to being alone, parenting alone, sleeping alone, going to church alone, eating alone, and getting zero physical contact.

It s.u.c.k.s. just for the record.

So, I often sit and daydream about Mark. Did you know that if you don't see someone for a long while, you actually dream about them a lot? It's true. Mark is almost always in my dreams. My little heart just misses him so much. And those dreams actually feel real, so I'm thankful for them. We have so many plans and dreams about when he returns.

Moving into a new house or apartment together.
Taking Ad to the beach (oh, the baby sun hats & flip flops!)
Going swimming as a family.
Chipotle and Cracker Barrel. Oh yes.
Buying baby floaties and taking Ad to the pool.
Going to DC and the National Zoo and Aquarium too!
Outerbanks, NC.
Disney Cruise!

and so much more!

I lurve my Airman more than you know, and I'm sooo proud of him for being the most awesome husband and daddy ever. He provides so much for us (!!!!) and loves us with all of his heart. But, really, I'm ready for this deployment to be over. It isn't fair that other dads get to be with their children, and other wives get to be with their husbands.

And I know that "life isn't fair,"

but this is my blog, remember, so I get to whine when I want.

My heart aches for Adalyn and Mark, because they can't be together. It's HORRIBLE that he can't see her grow up. That he can't give her baths, tickle her, carry her around, or give her hugs and kisses. He can just look at her on a computer screen. I hate it. It makes me loathe his career in ways you can't even comprehend. The worst part of this isn't that I haven't had a hug or a hand to hold or anyone to kiss since December. It's that Adalyn doesn't have her daddy here.

I hate it. HATE.

But I love my Airman.


He's my everything.

Love you to death and to the moon, sweetheart.


  1. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this! I hope the next months pass more quickly. I don't think it hit me how much I missed being hugged until I was hugging on my in-laws dogs a few weeks after my husband left, guess I was desperate. Oh, and you're not whining, just being normal (I think I'd be much worse)!

  2. I love you Shannie. I cant wait to do all those things with you and Adalyn plus getting her to sleep in the morning so you can get go back to bed. Kisses honey bear

  3. I think I keep saying this, but I can't wait for him to get home for you!!!

  4. Deployments are never easy. We are about to go through our first one in about two weeks and I am dreading it, though we don't have any kids which I am sure makes it 100 times more difficult. Just keep your head up and keep thinking about all of those fun things your going to do! I hope time speeds up for you!

  5. Hope time starts speeding up for you! You are is your blog and you should feel free to say whatever you want! =) FYI I have some friends that took their little girl to the National Aquarium and they said it wasn't worth the money at all. Thought I'd pass the info along! =)

  6. My husband is Navy and I can relate to everything you are going through. It is so hard when time crawls by. I completely disagree w/ the above commenter's friends. We just moved from the DC area and we LOVE the National Aquarium. We've been there countless times. Adalyn will love it. And the zoo and DC are wonderful too. We have a cute family photo in front of Abe Lincoln :)

  7. My Marine and I are two months into our third deployment in three years. We have about the same amount of time left that you do. I am expecting our first child in September. You are so right though, when they are gone you think about them even more and have dreams about them often. I love those nights but I am so ready for him to be home. Praying for you and your family!