Friday, November 20, 2009

Have you ever?: Gross Edition

My first (and only) Have You Ever post can be found HERE. But today, I have a new installment just for you...

I like to call it: Have You Ever?: Gross Edition

Have you ever gotten stuck in your door? Well, I have. A few days ago, I got stuck to our kitchen door. Like, I can't even make this up. My butt was stuck to our door. I was holding the door open for Mark, who was carrying something in (??) and I tried to go in. And I couldn't. My butt was stuck!! I tried to tug to free myself, but nope. Nada. Nothing. I started to call for Mark..

Me: Mark! HELP! I'm stuck to the door!

Mark: You're what?!!

Me: I'm stuck TO the door! I'm not even kidding. I can't move!

Mark: Ok.. I'm coming.. let me put this up..

Me: NO REALLY, I CAN'T MOOOOVE (dying with laughter)

(Mark comes to the rescue, sees me, and starts laughing hysterically..)

(Then we both start laughing so hard that I can't even see straight. I almost pee on myself. And all the while, I'm STILL stuck to the door)

He unfastens my blue jeans from the door hinge thing, and I'm freeeeee!

What? That's never happened to you? Oh. Well, okay.

Have you ever run from your bathroom (naked) onto your bed and cried with fear? On Wednesday, we decided to go to Williamsburg to shop! Mark took his shower first and then told me the bathroom was ready for me. I walked in and I saw it: a gigantic cockroach on our shower curtain. I stood there in fear and then BOLTED to our bedroom, crawled in bed, and covered up with our blanket. And then I screamed:


Mark: klagjogjklgj What is it?!?!!?

Me: BUGGGGGG!!!!!!!! IN THE BATHROOM!!!!!!!!!!

(Mark darts upstairs to the rescue and searches the bathroom)

Mark: I don't see anything.

Me: Um, there was DEFINITELY a big bug in there ((Note: I did not tell him what it looked like. So, when he DID find it & kill it, I could quiz him on exactly what it looked like.. just to make sure he killed the right one.))

Mark: Oh. Ok. I see it! *Random gag noise from Mark's mouth*

Toilet: Flussssssh

Mark: ... It was a cockroach.. I got it.. it's all clear now!


Have you ever leaped over your couch and darted up the stairs like a stunt double? Well, I did last night. Picture it: Mark and Piper just went to bed. It's 10pm. There are a couple lights on, but it's pretty dim. The house is quiet. I look over and see a brown blob on our striped rug. I eye it, and my blood pressure skyrockets. Oh, good heavens, please don't let it be what I think it is.

And then it moved.


I slammed my laptop shut, sat up straighter than a stick, and looked around. Meanwhile, Mr. Cockroach is skurrying around my rug like a crazy bug. (Hey, that rhymed). I grabbed my cell phone, Dr. Pepper chapstick, and LEAPT (leaped?) over the couch like a stunt double. If only Mark could have seen my mad moves.. he would have been so impressed. Well, I've never climbed stairs so fast in my life.

I'll just go ahead and admit that I'm a big baby when it comes to bugs. But I don't feel bad, because ALL of my friends are just as bad. Plus, I'm used to seeing bugs (from Kentucky), but I've NEVER seen a cockroach in real life. So... Mark and I aren't used to it. And we bought a gigantic pack of roach hotel things AND it came with two egg killer hotels (disgusting...). This place is creepin me out. I miss Kentucky, where I only had to worry about skeeters & flies.

A few weeks ago, Dr. Oz said that if we see more than one cockroach in our house, it means that we have thousands in our walls. SICK!!! He also said that we are all highly allergic to them and they leave feces everywhere. Totally and utterly disgusting. UGH.

This, quite possibly, might win the gold medal for being the nastiest blog post I have ever written. Unfortunately.

PS. CLICK HERE to read about the type of cockroach we have -- the Palmetto bug. It hisses, bites, flies, and isn't afraid of anything. Humans are highly allergic, and they leave their dead skin and feces everywhere. IT'S TERRIBLE.


  1. I seriously don't know if I could sleep at the thought of THOUSANDS of bugs in my house. I'm like you, and a total bug baby. We use this spray every few months inside and outside of our house (outside all the possible entries, and the base, as well as the baseboards inside) that keeps most bugs out. I wonder if that would work on cockroaches?? Does the military offer to spray for you? Will they get you an exterminator?

  2. well, we already contacted them and had them spray our house. of course, we NEVER EVER saw them here. And, heck, I am a STAY AT HOME WIFE. So.. I would have seen them. Unless they came at night or on a Saturday or something when I wasn't here. Whatever!! We give them $1200 per month to live here, so they SHOULD spray!! Bug sprays and traps can get really pricey.. and there's no way I'm paying for an exterminator!! I guess we'll go back to Walmart or Lowes and get more roach killer. UGH. I can't stand it, Paige! Neither can Mark. Not only is it gross, but it's unsanitary and unhealthy. Ew..

  3. I agree, that is not something you should have to pay for! They should pay to get rid of your roaches, and pay to spray to prevent them from coming back. You definitely would have seen them, to do it right they would have had to come INSIDE and get your baseboards too. :( I'm sorry Shannie, that's awful! That would drive me absolutely crazy!

  4. You know what they say, you see one cockroach, that means you have thousands. Not sure whether that's true though. Jarred and I have killed cockroaches in the apartment. I don't think this place could hold 10 roaches and it go undetected!

  5. I like all this action! I think you should make a movie of your life :)

  6. LOL! They hide under your foundation and inside walls. It's disgusting. Well, I guess we'll go get some spray or something. Dr. Oz recommended the hotels that kill them (they take poison back to their "den" where their buddies & families live, and it kills them all. MWHAHAHAHAHA.) ick.

    In other news, I'm listening to the top hits of 1999 and 2000, and it's putting me in a GREAT mood!

  7. oh no! That stinks, but I have heard that if you live in close quarters to other people (like military bases or apartments) you are more likely to get cockroaches. Its usually because someone else has them and its over from there. As far as the allergy thing...When Maddox was tested for allergies it came back that he had an allergy to cockroach antigen! I had never heard of this and it kinda grosses me out!

  8. I researched it because Dr Oz mentioned it a couple weeks ago -- and he said that cockroaches molt and shed their skin, and they leave visible poop everywhere and it REALLY irritates us -- even if we can't see it. It's just because it's all over the house. So sick. I'll keep everyone updated on the next pesticide we get and if it works! :) I haven't seen one today. I think that if I keep Piper awake and moving, the roaches won't come out, because they'll be scared of her. Because, coincidentally, I've NEVER seen a cockroach around Piper. She's my little guard dog!

  9. fun times seeing shan scream in fear, especially naked and frantic! hahahahaha I love her so dearly for all the innocent moments she presents in my life. yea squishing those lil critters are pretty gross.

  10. be sure that the spray is safe for dogs. mom

  11. I don't think we ever had cockroach problems in base housing. We had TERRIBLE ants in Texas, though. Like, THOUSANDS of them. Uugh. It was SO DISGUSTING. Want to hear a disgusting story? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. Ha.

    Remember those ants I just mentioned? (Hehe.) Well, my mom used to get these graham cracker sticks for me for snacks. Well, one day I went to the pantry and started snacking on these yummy crackers. A few crackers in, I felt something tickle on my finger. I looked down, and saw an ant. Then I looked IN THE GRAHAM CRACKER BOX AND THERE WERE HUNDREDS OF ANTS CRAWLING AROUND ON THE CRACKERS. THE CRACKERS I WAS EATING.

    Uh, yeah. If that isn't gross, I don't know what is. :)

    Anyway, we had to get some SUPER EXPENSIVE ant hotels to kill them all off, but it eventually worked. I think it took a few months to be completely rid of them all, though.

  12. woah, Brittney, that is THE WORST story I have ever heard regarding bugs. That would have scarred me for life!!! Ugh, terrible!!! We didn't go out and buy the spray yet, but we will tomorrow! :\ Hopefully I don't see any critters until then.

  13. When the military sprays, they do it outside only at the base of the infestation. It's free though, but I would advise following them and showing them where YOU think they should spray, otherwise they will just do what they think is best.

  14. They were supposed to leave me a note if I wasn't there to show me that they ACTUALLY came. They promised that they would, but we never saw any kind of note.. Honestly, I have noooo idea where they're entering at. We live in super old base housing that's got siding, but the base is brick.. They're building super nice brand new base housing, so they *literally* shrug off problems as, "Well.. this is really old housing." We'll just buy some spray and some more roach hotels and hope that fixes things! It's not that it's just gross, but if we had a baby... and a roach got in the crib or something.. Lord have mercy.. I don't even want to imagine it. I'm hoping we can get a handle on it before it gets too bad. For a while, we didn't see ANY roaches, and we thought they were gone!! Then suddenly they're back. Ugh! Disappointing and frustrating..

  15. LOL @Brittney. hilarious. hilarious. I can just picture it. I'd puke. hahaha. I want to be a fly on your wall to watch your adventures. haha. that's creepy.