a moment of honesty.

Dear Bloggy Readers,


I have truly been down in the dumps lately. It's been a mixture of things, really. But mostly I'd say I'm overwhelmed. From sun up (or even before sun up), the only thing I can think about is when I can get a nap in. It's become sad. And annoying. And I hate it.

Mark comes home in 3 days (actually 4, but I don't count the day he comes home). To the outside world, I assume you think I might be feeling: relief, happiness, joy, etc. Well, I am to an extent. But overall, I feel like time is dragging. The days go on forever. It seems like the days last, like, 24 hours or something(Haha... ). The end is in sight, but it feels un-tangible. And, really, with the end in sight, it makes the days go by so much slower.

I'm whining, right?

Piper's incessant barking really unnerves me. Yip yip. Arf arf. Squeak! Ruff! Ruff! Does it ever end? She does sleep an awful lot. But the second I eat food, walk in the kitchen, open a drink, get a freakin ice cube out of the freezer, her head pops up. She's up and attem and wanting a bite of your food. Which is normal, I guess. Her little puppy nose definitely works. But, for pete's sake, can I get a minute to myself?!

I'm whining again, right?

I do get time to myself. But guess what? That time is spent showering. Eating. Checking email. Spending time with my husband. And, let me tell you, my time with Mark has suffered because I have to tend to Piper. Which, duh, is necessary. But I hate missing out on my precious time with him. So, really, I don't get any time to myself. I have to rush through blog posts at lightning speed so I can relax during her naptime.

Oh no, am I whining again!?!?

I don't often think about it, because I don't want to, but I don't want to leave my nephews. I am truly dreading the day when I hug them by. Chances are, I might not see them until Christmas. When they are 3 months older. Three months smarter. Three months grown up without me. I do not like the idea of Clayton going throug life without me. I am kind of his bff. No, I am his bff. He is attached to me at the freakin hip. From the moment I saw him, with one eye open and one eye closed (from the bright light), we fell in love with each other. I am really, really heartbroken about leaving him.

He gets upset when I can't sit with him in the backseat next to his booster seat. So how is he going to react when I move 12 hours away?!

Nope. I'm not whining. I'm spilling my guts.

Dear boys, I love you very much. I don't want to leave you. And if I could just squeeze you into a suitcase and bring you to the beach with me, I would. I can't imagine missing your next Halloween, Thanksgiving, school performances. Hudson's first time to call me Shannie and the first time he truly beats up his big brother.

I am very sad today.