Sunday, January 10, 2010

the blog post where I go off the deep end

Dear Palmetto Bug(s),

Hello. I would say it's "nice to meet you," but it isn't. I remember the first time we met. I leisurely strolled into the kitchen for a snack. I saw you sitting on my kitchen counter like you owned the place. I froze in fear for just a millisecond, then screamed and high-tailed it out of there! I imagine that you would have run back to your "buddies" and told them that a scaredy cat moved in, but my husband squashed you before you got the chance. Besides, I was probably being watched by your best friend. I bet his name is Scraps. Or something else equally horrible.

And I know you love my kitchen; it is rather nice. But I've caught you in both bathrooms and our bedroom. Not cool, buddy. Not cool. I've discovered that your favorite spot is my kitchen towel cabinet. I'm not sure why you've become smitten with hanging out among my vast collection of Martha Stewart towels, but whatever. I've also seen you sitting next to my Corningware. You're so weird for a bug.

But for real, you've made me a hostage in my own home. I'm scared to open my own kitchen cabinets. It's a little ridiculous. Seven times out of ten, I'll find one of your dead buddies laying on his back right in plain view. It's disgusting. Just when I think your family has left my home, I see you again. My husband knows "the scream" far too well. And, right on cue, he gets up, grabs a paper towel, and sets out to murder you. I'm so sick of you. You waltzed right in and took over my kitchen. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if you actually had wireless internet hooked up in your little "hang out" in the back of my cabinets. But I bet you won't comment on my blog, because you're a roachy type of roach. Yeah.

I hate hate hate you. Go away.

And we'll definitely be buying some new roach spray real soon. Take it as a threat, pal.

The Landlord

a visual aid for the human types
who think I'm being a big baby
one word: EW!!!!


  1. EWWW! I am so sorry, Shan. Uugh. That's one of the worst things about base housing. Hopefully the AF will be moving you into those nice, new, roach-free homes SOON! (We had ant problems, not roach problems. Yuck.)

    Also, have you tried roach hotels? Although, if your "neighbor" has them, too, (which they probably do) they probably just go back and forth between your two homes. So, even if you get rid of a ton, but your neighbors don't, you'll have them for good. Ew. Double ew.

    Dear roaches,
    Leave Mark & Shannon alone.

  2. ugh it's awful. apparently, it's a problem up and down the coast. and if you go south along the border, they're giant. my friends in south carolina get them BIG. like, do these bugs even EXIST in kentucky?!?! i feel so sheltered, but i'd never seen one til we came out here!! everyone's been telling me that we're getting them from being around water. like, our home is *surrounded* by water. we have the ocean on 1 side and a big lake thing on the other. sheesh!! we currently have roach hotels. just when i think they're working, i see another one pop up. we might try a spray or something. dr oz advised against powder, because "that just makes them mad" ... he advised sprays and hotels. it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it..

  3. Ick, I agree. That's so horrible. I didn't realize they were prominent near water. I don't think I've *ever* seen a roach inside a house in KY. I mean, I've known people who've had them, but I've never personally seen them anywhere I've lived. Hopefully the spray works! Too bad you can't barricade your house off from your adjoining neighbor and just kill them off on your side. Uugh.

  4. I've seen roaches inside homes in KY. I hadn't until I started my new job, but I've definitely seen them on the walls. Talk about trying NOT to freak out so that you can remain professional!! EW!!!

    I read the letter, but I definitely wouldn't look at the picture. It will give me nightmares! Go away roaches!

  5. You're right Shannon, they are much bigger & grosser here in SC. I hate them. It's even grosser that they can fly & carry disease with them. I've never heard of a flying roach until we moved here. Like Mark, John most definitely knows "the scream" If you find anything that works wonders for getting rid of them, please let me know & I'll do the same for you!